I wrote earlier that trust was one of the last things to be repaired. Over the past several weeks I’m coming to a heart place of understanding that though it makes no logical sense to ever trust Mark again, that I can trust the One who asked me to stay. And that’s been the craziest [...]
Archive for the ‘The Confusing Stuff’ Category
The Whole Trust thing
Posted in The Confusing Stuff, tagged affair recovery on July 20, 2008 | 4 Comments »
Seeing your life
Posted in The Confusing Stuff, tagged affair recovery on July 14, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
One of the biggest battles this year wasn’t what I believed about the affair, but about how the affair made me view the rest of my life. It made me feel like a failure. I’d worked so hard to love my family. To create a place where they would feel love. A home. Why would [...]
Where is God in all of this…
Posted in The Confusing Stuff, tagged affair recovery on June 25, 2008 | 2 Comments »
Last night, Mark and I went to a class that covered spiritual formation. As the instructor was talking, he captured it. He described that sense of being connected to God. I know not everybody walks around with that feeling, but I have. Since I was a little girl. One of the hardest things to deal [...]
The Danger of Being Closed
Posted in The Confusing Stuff, tagged affair recovery on June 22, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
One of the things I’ve learned this year is how hard it is to be truly ourselves. Not this year. Before. Going through something like this cracks you wide open…not only to each other, but to yourself. I mentioned in a previous post that I had struggled two years ago with being attracted to an [...]
Finding Faith
Posted in The Confusing Stuff, tagged affair recovery on June 8, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
Probably the biggest splinter of this year was the damage to my spiritual life. I went from having a very clear sense of God’s presence and His love for me to absolutely nothing at all. Even as Mark and I went through the healing process, in my quiet moments, there was a deep sense of [...]
Another snapshot of the road not taken…
Posted in The Confusing Stuff, tagged affair recovery on June 3, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
Last night was my niece’s graduation. It was one of those big family events. Everyone was there. Family friends, in-laws, distant cousins… Chad and DeAnn’s daughters were there too. Their oldest—a close friend of my niece—graduates next week. I got to sit next to their youngest. (We shared my MP3 player during the boring parts.) [...]
Grappling with Trust
Posted in The Confusing Stuff, tagged affair recovery on May 29, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
Back when I was dating in high school and in college, if I got my heart broken I would let myself drown in ice cream for a single day, then pick myself up, put on some lipstick and move on to the next adventure. It wasn’t easy, but it was doable. I was pretty adamant [...]
On the Loss of Faith
Posted in The Confusing Stuff, tagged affair recovery on April 6, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
We watched the movie Signs last night with Mel Gibson. Though it came out awhile ago, I had never seen it before. In the movie, Mel Gibson loses faith and leaves the church after the tragic death of his wife. At the end of it, I wept. I didn’t realize how much of my faith [...]
More Healing
Posted in The Confusing Stuff, tagged affair recovery on March 29, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
Sunday was a horrible crash. Though we found the trigger…a misunderstanding and some clippy remarks Mark made in traffic, we didn’t get to the source. I started questioning if we should even be together. I lost faith. The sucky part was that we had already signed up for theophostic training. That Saturday, we went. The [...]
The Path not Taken
Posted in The Confusing Stuff, tagged affair recovery on February 4, 2008 | 1 Comment »
In what I now view as an odd twist, DeAnn and Chad—two of our core couple friends—split this year. The odd part is that their timeline mirrored ours almost exactly. We’ve been married almost exactly as long, and they hit the wall in the same month I discovered Mark’s affair. The key difference is that [...]
